


Remember When

by Doppeltrolle



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, Male Slash, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 21:03:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doppeltrolle/pseuds/Doppeltrolle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long-buried memories are forced to the surface in hopes of reconciliation.</p><p>Connor/Murphy drabble request.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember When

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first post to AO3! Comments, Critiques and Kudos welcome! This is only a small drabble, originally a birthday gift for my darling, Holstering. Unfortunately, there's nothing explicit in this, it's only an angst drabble right now.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Do you remember?_  
  
Do you remember when the branches would scratch the windows? When the storm would knock out all of the lights? When the wind would blow so hard it felt like the entire house would cave in? My blankets seemed to react instantly by shuffling and stretching to hold your body as well; you wiggled up next to me on the bed. I always told you to stop being such a baby, and you'd shove me out of sleepiness and anger. You'd succumb to your fears, and soon enough I was holding you, rocking you to sleep.  
  
 _Well, do you?_  
  
Do you remember when we got older? When we would fight and wrestle? I always pinned you down, but it only seemed to fuel your anger. You'd struggle until our bodies were sliding, rubbing against one another. Angry growls and curses that would make a sailor red became pants and growls of a darker nature. Feelings we didn't quite understand that made our stomachs clench and grips tighten until we came together, lips crashing like waves along the Black Rock shores and faces flushed with exertion. We pulled apart, neither of us knowing exactly what happened but realizing a line had been crossed that was better left alone.  
  
 _Stay with me, brother. Remember what I'm telling you, yet?_  
  
Remember in those months after, when we would run through the fields and play hide and seek? Our Ma insisted we were too old for those games; that we were better suited herding our runaway sheep than corralling one another. We played anyway, determined to savor our youth and freedom. You cornered me behind that large maple tree, beyond the glass panes of our kitchen window. Your fingers groped for my pants, thrusting your hand inside until the electricity of our skin shot up my spine.  
  
 _We played that game every chance we had._  
  
When we finally got too old to play hide and seek, it seemed those stolen moments together faded. Our rooms were not shared, our beds were our own once more. We stopped sneaking in to visit. One morning when I was out checking the animals you stalked outside after me, gripping my elbow and working your hands under my shirt. You didn't expect me to turn around and hit you. Your face was utterly still as you tried to regain your composure, then warped into something angry and humiliated. My gut seemed to drop inside, but I had to do it -- can't you understand? We couldn't carry on like that. I couldn't let your life, our life, become a dark, twisted secret that muddled our happiness. I couldn't let you live your life pining for the next opportunity. You couldn't be happy that way.  
  
 _Do you remember?_  
  
This is what I think to tell you, even in this dark hour. Right now, as you're screaming in agony while I dig the bullets from your skin and the rivulets of red seep into the black ruins of your shirt I can only ask that you remember it all. I dig up the painful memories that we've buried together in order to distract you from the pain I bring you now. I don't think one is less painful than the other, but I don't want to lose you this way, too. Your body is quaking involuntarily, now, your skin is so pale it's now white. I clench my teeth and finish stitching up your wounds and you've all but passed out now. I pray to our Mother Mary that you'll be alright, and even though you flinch when I press my lips to yours and help you to a more comfortable bedding I also pray that you'll forgive me as well. I've already fallen from Grace by starting this, and after all these years I have realized I don't want redemption.  
  
 _So please, remember._


End file.
